i can paint that fucking picture so well, too bad there's not enough light to tell

i made it through treatment. it's 24 days later and i thought i'd feel calm. instead i'm thinking about the things she told me not to think about. i'm sitting at the gate waiting for a plane, even though she told me not to go. im shaking. i miss being strong, i miss being safe. i dont know what he's going to say when he sees me. is he only there for me now because i was for him then? what if he has stopped loving me too?
these are the depths of my insecurities